Give Him a Drink
Let marriage be held in honor (esteemed worthy, precious, of great price, and especially dear) in all things. And thus let the marriage bed be undefiled (kept undishonored. (Hebrews 13:4, AMPC)
The marriage bed.
I know, I know... we've never really talked about it, much.... BUT, being a wife is not all spiritual. The elephant in the room is the huge physical part we just can't ignore... and for some wives, it could be a touchy topic. And honestly, for some husbands, too. I realize not all marriages are the same, where it's always the man wanting and not getting; sometimes it's the other way around. Each of our marriage-intimacy journeys are different, and this letter is not meant to cover all marriage-bed issues. Today, we are specifically talking about wives who have withheld from their husbands in some fashion or another.
In every case, to God, the marriage bed is special, and the Bible has a lot to say about it. We all can admit it's a HUGE part of marriage... meant to be enjoyed by husband AND wife--not just husband, not just wife. Yes! Meant by God to be enjoyed--
He invented it, for crying out loud--by the man AND his wife.
While I do think it's a very physical part of marriage--and I am not one to make it into something spiritual--I also see how an unhealthy and lacking marital-intimacy can impose long-term spiritual affects...
While reading Proverbs 5 this past week, our part as wives in the physical intimacy of marriage was brought to my attention. A passage I normally would have skimmed over and written off as, “This is good, but obviously to husbands,” was, instead, boldly highlighted to me, a wife.
Take a moment as you read it for yourself:
Talking to men: Drink water from your own cistern, And running water from your own well. Should your fountains be dispersed abroad, Streams of water in the streets? Let them be only your own, And not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And always be enraptured with her love. For why should you, my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman, And be embraced in the arms of a seductress? (Proverbs 5:15-20, NKJV)
Is all this left up to our husbands alone? Dear Ladies, we have a part to play in this, a significant part at that. Making it plain for you, YOU are your husband's cistern, his well, his fountain. If our husbands are going to be able to obey Proverbs 5--never to drink from another's cistern--like we assume and expect them to, then we are going to have to be doers of the Word in our part. So, have we become too hyper-spiritual to be the please our husbands with our bodies and our appearances? If you (and your spouse) need some inspiration, just read the Book of Song of Solomon, ha!
(The man to the woman) For you reach into my heart. With one flash of your eyes I am undone by your love, my beloved, my equal, my bride. You leave me breathless—I am overcome by merely a glance from your worshiping eyes, for you have stolen my heart. I am held hostage by your love… How satisfying to me, my equal, my bride. Your love is my finest wine—intoxicating and thrilling. And your sweet, perfumed praises—so exotic, so pleasing. Your loving words are like the honeycomb to me; your tongue releases milk and honey…My darling bride, my private paradise, fastened to my heart. A secret spring that no one else can have are you—my bubbling fountain hidden from public view. What a perfect partner to me now that I have you…You are a fountain of gardens. A well of living water springs up from within you, like a mountain brook flowing into my heart! (Song of Solomon 4:9-12, 15-16, TPT)
Based on the passage from Proverbs and the passage from Song of Solomon, we can see that physical intimacy in the marriage bed is compared to fresh water: running water from a well; a blessed fountain; streams of water; a bubbling fountain; a well of living water; a flowing mountain brook; a secret spring—all said to be refreshing and satisfying to our spouse. If our husband is to be always enraptured with our love, like the Bible tells him to, never to be enraptured by another woman, then we’ve got to give him something to embrace.
Refresh your man, Ladies! Refresh him with the water from your cistern so he never needs to look for refreshment elsewhere! Pull away the dead vines hiding your well, let your river flow, and open your heart to let your husband in, both physically and emotionally.
If he is commanded by God to rejoice with the wife of his youth, let’s give him something to rejoice over, you know what I mean? Let's do our part to make it easy on him to be able to do what the Bible tells him. Oh, and by the way, "another's cistern" could also just be something like football, video games, or "the guys." Basically, wherever they can find any kind of stimulation to fill the void is where they will run to, because most of our men are godly enough to never run and find another woman. Yes, thank God, but not to be taken advantage of!
Some wives may say, “Well, he shouldn’t be looking elsewhere, anyway.” But we need to ask ourselves, “Have we given him something to look at? Have we ministered to him of ourselves, appealing to his inner manhood? Have we fulfilled him with a deep-loving romance? Have we given him something beautiful to be lured away and enraptured with?”
As a loving deer and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And always be enraptured with her love. (Prov. 5:19)
That word enraptured means to bring intense pleasure and joy to; to excite. This is our part, to make sure our husband is always brought intense pleasure and excited by our love. We can’t expect our husbands to be flawless in these areas if we attempt to justify our reluctance and unwillingness, in the intimate part of our relationship, with excuses. First Corinthians 7:2 specifically tells us to have physical intimacy with our husbands. I like how the Message Bible puts it:
Marriage is a decision to serve the other,
whether in bed or out. (1 Cor. 7:3, MSG)
And if all this isn’t spiritual enough, let me give you one more scripture to seal the deal:
The married woman is concerned about [natural] things, that is, about how she can please her husband. (1 Cor. 7:34, GW)
Yes, even the "spiritual" Bible expects us as wives to be "natural": concerned with how we can please our husbands naturally, physically. "Concerned" means it should be a priority to us. What all this means to you is not something I can pinpoint for you... You may feel like there is no way on earth that your husband could ever again be thrilled by your physical appearance... not now, not at this age, not after those kids, not after this, not after that.... BUT, he can!
Or, maybe you feel like you and your spouse could never reach a deeper and fresher level of physical intimacy because of too many reasons to mention! Maybe it's him, maybe it's been you, maybe it's past hurts and mistakes, but no matter what it is, none of it is too far gone, too hard, or too impossible for the Lord. He would not have put all these passages in the Bible if marital intimacy was not important to Him. Look to the Lord! He has all the answers!
The Lord will help us and show us things to do and ways to go about it. If the issue has been with your husband, then He can give you wisdom to know what you can do to make it easier on your husband in this area. This is not about your physical perfection, it's about your heart. God is not asking us to be a super model, and neither is your husband.
If we look to God, He will give us all the grace and strength we need to make our way to becoming the best we can be for our husbands, emotionally and physically. It won't happen overnight, but we each can take steps in doing what we know to do to please our husbands in these areas. It might be something as simple as fixing our hair, putting on a little makeup, dimming the lights, turning on some music, sending sweet notes here and there, buying a cute outfit.... so many ideas!
I say once again, dearest Ladies, may the intimacy in our marriages be not still, stale, pond water covered with green slime, left to wonder if the water is even there anymore. Let it be our love and desire to bless our husbands physically that opens the flood gates, allowing the fountain of water to run freely, once again and for always, as we refresh our husbands with the waters from “our well.”
Until next time,
Jessica