Joined and Connected
Hi, Faith Heights Fam! Matthew here. For today's letter, Jess and I would like to share a quick story. We were on our way home from work the other day when we came upon a busy four-lane highway—Shepherd of the Hills Expressway, to be exact. If you're familiar with Branson, there's a gas station right beside Red Lobster called "Ricky Bobby's," and Trotter Street is in-between them. We take this path home almost every day.
We were sitting at the stop sign there, getting ready to take a right-hand turn, when we both noticed an elderly couple walking together along the sidewalk in front of us. From all appearances, they both looked to be in their mid-to-upper 80s. The man could not walk very well and held tightly to his walker—one of those gray metal hospital ones—as he hobbled along, but the wife seemed to be in better health.
So, here we are at the stop sign, maybe the fourth car back in a line of cars waiting to turn, observing the elderly couple who had stopped at the stop sign also, obviously wanting to cross the expressway. It's worthwhile to note that this expressway is extremely busy with traffic and there is no pedestrian walkway to safely cross the street. But that didn't stop the elderly lady, who we will call Mrs. Queen Bee! She had decided to leave her husband at the stop sign to take off across the busy street. It seemed like she had gotten upset and impatient as to how long it was taking her husband to walk. And since this was a major public setting with all eyes on them, maybe she was embarrassed by her husband's disability while he short-stepped with all his strength beside her.
So, with much impatience, she couldn’t wait any longer. Heavy traffic or not, she just took off, charging ahead of him headlong into the busy traffic way as if she was William Wallace in the blockbuster movie, "Braveheart." I mean to tell you, she just left her husband and his walker in the dust, still standing by the stop sign. Like Mel Gibson's famous line in the movie, I could just hear her saying, "You may take my life, but you'll never take my FREEEEDOOOOM!" Hahahahaha!
At this point, I had already put the car into park and was making moves to get out because I wanted to go help the man get across the street safely and with some dignity. As I was getting out of the car, it was awesome to see, but all traffic on both sides had come to a halt just so this elderly man could walk across the street.
But where was his wife? You would think that she had at least a little bit of compassion and respect for her husband and decided to await him on the other side of the street, but that was NOT the case. She just kept going without any regard for her husband's life or well-being. As he was crossing the highway, I remember saying, "Awww man, I bet he feels so emasculated."
So, why are we telling you all this? No, we don’t know all the things that were said and done between them before this occurrence, and we know the husband isn’t perfect, but we do know one thing: A wife in her 80s left her husband impatiently and stomped off across the street, leaving him dishonored and humiliated in front of a good number of onlookers. But to all of us watching, she was the one left looking rude, unloving, and disrespectful toward her elderly husband.
A spouse left alone in his/her weakness—in his or her troubles and trials—is degrading and shameful, a disgrace never meant to happen, no matter what the weakness is.
And God said, ‘So a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one body.’ So there are not two, but one. God has joined the two together, so no one should separate them. (Matt. 19:5-6, NCV)
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is right for him.” (Gen. 2:18, NCV)
There's much we could say about this, but let's focus on one major point today. No strong connection in marriage is made by simply trying NOT to do something wrong. Getting along and working together (staying connected and joined) in marriage means actively seeking out the RIGHT thing TO DO towards each other. It isn't just trying to NOT say the wrong thing, or NOT do the wrong thing to our spouses. It's the RIGHT thing we choose to do INSTEAD of the wrong thing that keeps us connected.
So many of us spouses are just trying to not mess up when, instead, we should be looking for every opportunity to DO the right thing. Without the proper corresponding action of LOVE and FAITH and HONOR/RESPECT, there is a void the enemy will quickly attempt to get filled with a FLESH RESPONSE. And the flesh response is wrong every time.
Maybe you didn’t leave your spouse on the other side of the street like in this couple’s instance, but can you find a parallel of this story in your own marriage? The elderly man in the story can't help his condition at this point; He is where he is. In the wife's case, she's tired of having to wait on him and deal with “his” issues. Instead of staying alongside him, connected, ready to help and support, she disconnected and has become angry and resentful at her husband because she may feel like, "I have to be the stronger one. He's taking too long to come around and he's holding us back. Why doesn't he just change?” Or, even further, “Doesn't he know that if I don't take care of things nothing will ever get done, we'll never get anywhere, we'll never make any progress?! If it wasn't for me keeping this family together, everything would be a mess..."
Does any of this sound familiar? I said all this hypothetically from the wife's perspective, but husbands are tempted to think and say like-kind things just as much! In this example, the wife happens to be the antagonist, but husbands have been just as guilty in the past. So, let's not throw any stones at each other.
Bringing the point home, the Body of Christ has to remember that in our marriages, we are ONE FLESH. We are NOT separate from each other. Our BODIES are one—we are one body—in the eyes of the LORD.
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Gen. 2:24 NKJV)
And He (Jesus) answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, THEY ARE NO LONGER TWO but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. (Matt. 19:4-6 NKJV)
What the wife did not understand is that her actions SEPARATED her from her husband. You see, she thinks she's justified in her actions, and that her decisions should undoubtedly prove her righteousness. But according to the Word, SHE is the one in the wrong because she's causing the separation. And again, this isn't an attack on wives, husbands could easily be the culprits, too. The roles could very easily be reversed.
Two people are better than one, because they get more done by working together. If one falls down, the other can help him up. But it is bad for the person who is alone and falls, because no one is there to help. If two lie down together, they will be warm, but a person alone will not be warm. An enemy might defeat one person, but two people together can defend themselves; a rope that is woven of three strings is hard to break. (Eccl. 4:9-12, NCV)
If the wife had an understanding and revelation of the reality of them being ONE, she wouldn’t have left him. She didn’t have the understanding that his struggles are her struggles, and her struggles are his struggles. And we are to overcome them together. The enemy’s design is to separate what God joins together. Separation occurs in marriages when one or both spouses take steps AWAY from each other instead of TOWARDS each other.
We need to look at our marriages. Are our thoughts and actions towards our spouses separating us, or are they binding us together? Are we getting closer or further apart? It's not a mystery! If in their marriages Christians are feeling like they are standing on opposite sides of the Grand Canyon, why point fingers at the other person when we have just as much of a part in this as the other person?
Thinking logically, if I'm standing next to Jess and she takes 2 steps away from me, we are understandably further apart from each other than we were. But it doesn't have to stay that way! In turn, why couldn't I take 2 or 3 steps back towards her to make up the distance between us? I don't have to respond to her stepping away by taking 2 or 3 steps in the opposite direction, too! I don't have to allow any distance between us! Because I love Jess, by the Love of God in my recreated spirit, I can always stick close to Jess and she can always stick close to me.
Then, as we grow up in the Love of God, and we give God time to grow us up and make us more like Jesus, we can learn to take our steps, our journeys, our challenges, but most importantly, our VICTORIES...TOGETHER! Not separate, but ONE! ONE FLESH, just like God intended.
Jess and I love you and we want you to know we're actively believing with you for your marriages to be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. We pray for you and speak the Word of God over you on a regular basis. We're not getting weaker, we're getting stronger! Our marriages will not fail, but we're going all the way in Jesus' name.
-Matthew-