The Superpower of Praying Together
Recently I was talking with a woman who has been married for almost 40 years, much longer than me and Matt. We were talking about being able to pray in front of others, but specifically, we were talking about being able to pray with our spouses. To my amazement, she had never prayed with her spouse until just lately, and she has been a Christian living for God and in the full-time ministry for over 30 years. She was shy and "embarrassed" to pray in front of, out loud, with her husband. Because of that, she wasn’t able to pray in front of others, either, for years and years.
This woman and her husband, for decades, quite possibly lacked a level of intimacy and confidence with each other, things that I enjoy with my husband and have taken for granted. Obviously, they hadn’t been experiencing the power that comes from joining together in prayer.
What effect does praying together have on your marriage? I’m sure you’ve heard the catch phrase, “Couples who pray together stay together”?
If you look at the current marriage statistics, it’s shocking: 40-50% of first-time marriages end up in divorce; 60% of 2nd-time marriages end up in divorce. And people who confess to be Christians, it’s the same stats! BUT, for people who attend church regularly, the percentage drops way down to about 38%, and furthermore, those who say they PRAY together, their rate of divorce is even much, much lower. So, according to statistics, it’s true, couples who pray together stay together.
Praying together as a married couple is a way you can get God involved in your marriage and home on a greater level. Matt and I have prayed together for as long as I can remember, even months and years before our wedding day. We’ve repented together, thanked God together, worshipped and praised Him together, and asked Him for things together; and finally, we’ve prayed countless hours together in the spirit (by the help of the Holy Spirit over things only He knew).
To me, one of the top, if not the top, benefits of being married is the power that is experienced when two people, bound together in love, faith and unity, agree together in prayer to God:
Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask [in prayer], it will be done for them by My Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.” (Matt. 18:19-20)
This scripture is talking about what is called the “prayer of agreement.” You know what I love about this kind of praying? It’s not just you and your spouse. Jesus gets involved, and when Jesus gets involved, you can expect answers, victories, and power.
Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.
And a threefold cord is not quickly broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:12)
Have you ever experienced this threefold superpower? It is indeed a SUPERPOWER. Praying together in agreement with one another, while joining in agreement with Jesus (His Word), is one of the most powerful aspects of a marriage. I’m not talking about fruitless random praying or even useless memorized religious prayers. When you and your spouse come together in prayer to the Father, in agreement with Jesus and His Word, you are no longer two against the enemy, you’ve become a THREEFOLD unbreakable cord. You are one, your spouse is two, and Jesus is three. Your strength and force are now on a level indestructible.
If you ask anything in My name, I will do it. (John 14:14)
Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him. (1 John 5:14-15)
If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. (John 15:7)
When you come together with your spouse and pray in agreement with the Word (Jesus), not only do you receive answers, victories, and help from God, you get a whole bunch more benefits. Given that so many married couples “don’t” pray together, we can assume they haven’t realized the powerful benefits that come from a marriage filled with God-involved and God-inspired prayer.
First, praying together develops a strong unified fortress within your marriage. There is power in agreement and unity. When you come together and agree on something, and then pray about it, you can count it done. Nothing is impossible to you, and you get stronger and stronger. (Gen. 11:6)
Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. (Eph. 4:3, NLT)
Take a moment to read this scripture again through the eyes of praying together.
Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. (Eph. 4:3, NLT)
When you pray together, you are uniting together in the Spirit, and you are binding yourselves together “with” peace. I know I’m saying “together” a lot, but “together” means “in agreement,” “unified,” “binding,” and “in one accord,” “of the same mind.”
Now may the God of patience and comfort grant you to be like-minded toward one another, according to Christ Jesus, that you may with one mind and one mouth glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. (Rom. 15:5-6)
Secondly, praying together gives God further access into your marriage and is an active way to draw closer to one another as you draw closer to God. When you pray together, you are now on a higher level of fellowship. You are no longer fellowshipping with your spouse only—you are fellowshipping together “with” God.
For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them. (Matt. 18:20)
Next, praying together creates a deep closeness between you and your spouse that you’ll be hard-pressed to come by elsewise. This closeness is a result of the act of humility and openness that is required when you come to the Lord in prayer, and even more so when you are joining in with your spouse. Praying together requires a humility and openness that allows you to give trust and receive trust which strengthens the bonds of intimacy within your marriage like no other way. In order for a married couple to be able to pray together, they have to become vulnerable with each other. Humility and honesty (openness) are related and the prayer of agreement requires love, honesty, submission to one another, and trust between each other. In the same way that physical nakedness within the bounds of marriage should bring a deeper level of intimacy and love between one another, spiritual vulnerability is a powerful tool to cultivate close intimacy and deeper love.
And the last benefit, though there be many, that we will mention today, is how praying together demonstrates to the enemy that he is no longer using you against your spouse, or vice versa. You are showing him that you are now working together against him. You are now on God’s side, on His team, FOR EACH OTHER, and in partnership against the enemy.
For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. (Eph. 6:12)
What if you and your spouse “don’t” pray together much, if at all? This isn’t to bash you for that; this is to encourage you and stir in you the desire to start. To start praying together.
How do you start if you’ve never done it much before? Today, I desire to give you a few practical points from which you can safely launch your marriage’s prayer rocket, if I may.
1. Start by talking about the Lord together. Even if it’s simply about how good He is, start somewhere. Share with each other the things He is showing you and what He has been talking to each of you about. How do we expect to do a spiritual activity together, like praying, if we don’t open up to each other about spiritual things?
2. Set a goal together—a “praying together” goal. Your goal might be, “Let’s pray together over our day before breakfast.” Or your goal could be to pray together each night before drifting off to sleep. Another goal you could have would be that any time something comes up, any challenge or issue, great or small, you grab hands and immediately bring it before the Lord. See yourselves as having a prayerful marriage. As you envision yourselves as a couple who prays together, you’ll soon become a couple who prays together. Matt and I don’t always pray so long together, but we rarely go a day without praying with each other in some way. There will be occasions when you will pray lengthy periods of time together, because the season calls for it; and other times you will pray short, but still powerful, prayers here and there.
3. Lay aside shyness and timidity by being open-hearted and humble before the Lord and each other. Shyness and timidity towards praying with your spouse is evidence of fear/unbelief and pride/selfishness. This fear and pride keeps us from going to the Lord TOGETHER and holds us captive to coldness and hard-heartedness. If you have been closed-hearted, rather than open-hearted with your spouse, you’ll have a hard time trying to pray together. These issues must be fixed if you want to move forward in this.
Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. (James 5:16)
(Sometimes these close-hearted issues stem from past hurts and failures within the marriage, and other times they are the outcome of hidden sins unrepented that keeps one or both of you from drawing near. Can anything be done? Why, yes. Forgive and forget; repent and come clean. Lay aside the past weights, hurts, hindrances and sins and choose, TOGETHER, to go forward. No past hurt, shame or failure is worth keeping your marriage from fully flowing into the fullness of the blessing God has for you, especially when you think of how Jesus has already wiped them all away (Col. 2:13-15).)
4. Lastly, create a vision together. What do you want to see in your marriage? What areas in your lives can you increase and come up? What kind of growth do you, as a married couple, want to see in your marriage, in your family, in your business, your ministry, and financially? Discuss these topics together, and then begin praying about them. No, not all at once, of course, but as the Lord leads. Talk about the steps it will take and where you are going and allow the Lord to lead you both into times of prayer where He will guide you and help you to pray out these things in your lives. If there are things in your family, in your marriage, or in your jobs etc., that aren’t flourishing and growing and healthy, then pray about it! Together. Give God place in every area. Prayer gives God access to the area you are praying about!
There are many, many opportunities—blessings, connections, divine intersections and victories—that are not happening in Christians’ lives simply because they are not giving time and effort to pray.
And one of the most powerful types of prayer is TOGETHER, in agreement, in unity. It’s a superpower many marriages have yet to tap into.
WITH GOD, all things are possible. Marriages without prayer are missing out on the impossibilities becoming possible in their lives. Get God involved. Give Him place. You will never be the same.
Just loving you today,
Matt and Jess