A Good Gift - That's You!
Dear Help Mates,
If you would have told me BEFORE I was married how God created me with my husband in mind, I would have thought that was the sweetest thing on planet earth. I mean, how romantic is that?! I had always dreamed of this idea: the perfect man, finding me, a good and perfect wife who does him good and not evil all the days of his life…
Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil All the days of her life. perfect wife, who does him good and not evil all the days of his life. (Prov. 31:10-12)
But … yikes, did that not happen. I definitely started out marriage with my share of evil and not good towards my husband—even so much that there was a time in our marriage, from a couple months after our wedding until a number of years ago, when someone telling me that “God created me with my husband in mind” would have bruised my bitter, unthankful heart even further. Ha!
Thankfully, now that we’ve been married 18 years, though not perfect, we’ve grown enough (by allowing God to shape us through what we’ve gone through) that I can honestly say the idea of me being specially created for Matt makes me sincerely happy. The thought of knowing that God made me as a gift just for him—that is now a sweet thought in my heart! And being his wife is the greatest privilege and honor God could bestow upon me.
A man's greatest treasure is his wife— she is a gift from the Lord. (Prov. 18:22, CEV)
Like I said, there were countless times in our marriage where I didn’t have those same sweet “feelings,” but I am so grateful God helped me to not give up. In the midst of turmoil and heartache, I held tight to a hope that “it gets better.” Those were the words my spiritual mother spoke to me just a couple years into my marriage. By the Spirit of God, having no clue anything was wrong in our marriage, she looked me straight in the eyes and said,
“JESS, IT GETS BETTER.”
At the time, I felt like those words were completely unbelievable—it was hard to see how anything in my marriage could get better. But I didn’t give up; I didn’t let go of those words, I kept believing… and let me tell you—it got better! Girl …… does it ever.
There were many things God helped me adjust—I could go on forever telling of all the things I changed and still changing—but the main thing God always dealt with me from day 1 was about changing the way I viewed myself as a wife.
As He corrected the way I SAW MYSELF, that Truth made me free to change my interactions with my husband.
Change the way you SEE, and you’ll change the way you BE.
I would read the verse in Proverbs 31 that says an excellent wife does her husband GOOD and not evil all the days of his life. Many, many, too many to mention, were the times when I did NOT feel like I resembled anything “good” for my husband, but I didn’t give up. I allowed God to create a vision and develop in me who I really am: GOOD.
And that is who you are, too.
James 1:17 says that every good and perfect gift comes down from the Father. YOU are goodness straight from the Father!! Yes, YOU! You are GOOD!
The Lord began to teach me about my place as a help mate, giving me a vision for it, showing me how He created me for my husband’s benefit, for his GOOD.
Neither was man created on account of or for the benefit of woman, but woman on account of and for the benefit of man. (I Corinthians 11:9, AMPC)
Does this make me less important, because I was created for “Hub’s” benefit? No! This makes me just as important, because he can’t do it without me. He needs my benefits!
I’m thinking about this scripture you may have read many times before in Proverbs 18:22 where God says the man who finds a wife finds a GOOD thing and obtains favor of the Lord. This verse always puzzled me in that I wondered why extra favor from the Lord is connected to finding a wife. I recently asked the Lord to help me understand this connection.
Why does your husband finding you equal him receiving favor of the Lord?
You see, not only did your hubby win the jackpot when he found you—you good thing, you, with your beauty and sweetness—he also received another level of favor from the Lord that he didn’t have before.
Another level??
This level of favor is something he can get no other way, except through you. YOU are this favor he obtained of the Lord! Here, the word “favor” can actually be translated, among other things, as “help” and “support.” When your husband found you, he found some much-needed help and support! This is why God refers to us, from the beginning, as “help meets”:
And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him…and He brought her unto the man. (Genesis 2:18,22, KJV)
Here we see God realizing that man alone is not good and this must be fixed; so, He made man something good—a help meet. Therefore, you are a manifestation of the goodness of God, the goodwill of God, towards your husband.
Through you, we see that the very Help, favor, grace, etc., of God can flow to your husband. So, relish in your place next to your man today as His greatest treasure, even if he may not always notice it! Be that favor of God for him and you watch how the Lord will make sure you have all the favor, grace, and help that you need, too.
People receive houses and money from their parents, but a good wife is a gift from the Lord. (Prov. 19:14, ERV)
Love,
Jess