Beware of the Strange Woman

While Proverbs is full of wisdom for wives to embrace, it is also full of warnings for wives to be cautioned against.

As we read through Proverbs, we are cautioned—at least 8 different times—against the “strange woman,” and simultaneously told that wisdom will deliver us from “her.”

For the lips of a strange woman drip as a honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil, but her end is as bitter as wormwood, sharp as a twoedged sword. (Proverbs 5:3-4, KJ21)

Say unto wisdom, Thou art my sister; and call understanding thy kinswoman: That they may keep thee from the strange woman, from the stranger which flattereth with her words… With her enticing speech she caused him to yield, With her flattering lips she seduced him.

(Proverbs 7:4-5 & 21, KJV)

For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life: To keep thee from the evil woman, from the flattery of the tongue of a strange woman.

(Proverbs 6:23-24, KJV) 

Wisdom will deliver thee from the strange woman, even from the stranger, who flattereth with her words… (Proverbs 2:16, KJ21)

Wisdom will deliver us and keep us from this “strange woman.” But who is the strange woman, and I thought only men needed to be careful to avoid her? According to other Bible translations, she is an immoral woman, an unfaithful woman, a seducing woman, and a wayward woman. If you’re like me, you have looked at these cautionary passages as if they were salutations to men only.

But today, I’d like to look at them from a different perspective. Not only do men need to be aware of the strange woman, but wives need to beware of being like the strange woman. These passages of wisdom are also telling wives to beware of the “ways” of the strange woman (yielding to her “ways” or being like the strange woman). This warning is so dire, we were cautioned about her ways several times.

What are the ways of the strange woman? One key word sticks out. Almost every time she is mentioned, her flattery is also mentioned. The Bible says she flatters with her words: her tongue drips honey, but her heart’s motives are not pure. She says sweet yet insincere words to get what she wants, manipulating from a position of selfishness.

Let’s talk about flattery. Flattering is skewing the truth. Flattery is sweet words in hopes of getting something in return; even insincere praise that is given for no other reason but to further one’s own interests. Flattery is a compliment, but an impure one, emphasis on “impure.” Flattery is a type of manipulation—saying or doing something to, or in front of, someone else in order to get that person to give you what you want. It’s a twisted form of complimenting that is dishonest and used to gain control.

As you can tell, this flattery of the strange woman sounds evil and very much unlike the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31, whose pure ways allows her husband’s heart to safely trust her and gives him no reason to be alarmed.

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. (Proverbs 31:10-12, NKJV)

Manipulation has no place in the heart and mouth of a faithful, godly wife.

Must our very own precious husbands need to be aware of the strange woman “in us”?? I pray not!! If a husband is constantly on the lookout, constantly cautious, of whether or not what his wife is saying and doing is motived purely and rightly, he is not safe with her. If she is doing something to get something in return, her motives are not right. This is not the ways of a pure-hearted wife.

Our husbands should feel safe with us. His heart should safely trust us. If we are faithful to him, we have given him a reason to trust us. However, if he is having to be cautious about the real motives of our “honeyed” words, then he is at risk of the “strange woman.” Our husbands should know that we are not out to deceive them, or to manipulate them to get what we want, but that every word we speak is honest, pure truth, sincere, unselfish, and faithful.

I’ll admit. There have been times in my marriage when I have skewed some explanations, some requests, some facts, in order to get what I wanted in a situation. But I can honestly say, every time I did that, my heart smote me and I immediately turned to my husband and said, “Ok, here’s the real truth about it.”

You have purified your souls by obeying the truth in order to show sincere mutual love. So love one another earnestly from a pure heart (1 Peter 1:22, NET).

From this verse, two words stick out in connection with today’s topic: SINCERE and PURE. Like Paul told Timothy in 1 Timothy 1:5, “My goal in giving you this order is for love to flow from a pure heart, from a clear conscience, and from a sincere faith” (GW).

If today’s message has shed light on some false and unfaithful habits in you that resemble the methods of the strange woman, you can turn from these manipulative schemes once and for all. As a wise and godly woman, these ways are not your ways.

A pure-hearted, sincere wife stays far away from the ways of the strange woman.

Love is to be sincere and active [the real thing—without guile and hypocrisy].Hate what is evil [detest all ungodliness, do not tolerate wickedness];hold on tightly to what is good. (Romans 12:9, AMP)

Elevating in love together,

-Jess-