Open the Door

We were having a Saturday lunch with an older woman, in her 80’s, a while back. She is a small Latino woman, and a grandma-type to us. She invited Matt, me, and Miah over for a delicious, home-style Mexican meal, as she’s done several times before.

(At the time, all the local Mexican restaurants had been long-time closed for Covid, and Matt was hanging on by a small thread! She was a total lifesaver.)

As we were sitting down eating and sharing back and forth about the Lord and all He is doing, she took a quick, unrelated side journey in the conversation. She brought up her daughter and son-in-law's marriage relationship.

They are in their 50’s, live states away, and have been married for many years. “Grandma” mentioned something she and her daughter had discussed a while back:

Although her daughter is a Christian and conservative, her husband is a liberal. Also, he is a horrible housekeeper; but he is a wonderful cook and always takes great care of the daughter in regard to packing her lunches, preparing all her meals and organizing the meal planning.

“Grandma” knows her daughter is aware of the many negative things about her husband, and maybe has even slightly mentioned them before, but she told her mom emphatically that she is thankful for the good qualities he has and isn’t going to let those other things bother her because they aren’t worth coming between them.

Wow, I thought. That’s so true. I can’t allow un-thankfulness to come between to separate me and Matt, or between the good God has for our marriage! It’s not worth it!

As “Grandma” went on to share some other things, I immediately saw how this is an area all wives need regular encouragement: keeping a thankful heart.

And some of you have read some of this before, yet it seemed right to give us all a refresher.

What if the Lord were to ask you if you’d like to learn how to receive more from Him for your marriage? More help and grace, more closeness and intimacy, more joy and sweetness, more…you name it?

I’m thinking not one of us would say no to that.

Here’s the connection:

Receiving more from God in any area of our lives, especially in our marriages, can be found in this simple word:

Thankfulness.

In a time of meditating on these things, the Lord spoke these words to my heart:

“A thankful wife opens the door
for God to do more in her marriage.”

You see, there have been many times in my marriage where I really needed to receive more from God. I desired more grace and know-how to be "Matt's" wife, to have more intimate fellowship with him, and more just plain joy in our relationship.

We both desperately needed to know how to receive from God so we could experience more grace, wisdom, and understanding of God’s Word and His ways to become more like Jesus in our marriage.

What does being thankful have to do with receiving more from God in my marriage?

In order to answer this question, we must first understand how un-thankfulness affects a marriage. In Romans 1:21, it talks about how un-thankfulness can cause your heart to be darkened—blinded—to the goodness of God all around you.

If we are rolling around in un-thankfulness, we literally can't see the good things in us and around us. (It kinda reminds me of those creepy ball pits in fast-food restaurants as a kid. Imagine those as being huge balls of un-thankfulness. That's what it's like.)

An unthankful heart keeps us from seeing any positives and causes the negatives to be magnified. If we’re constantly looking at the negatives in our husband, then that will come between our relationship.

Un-thankfulness keeps us thinking we need things we already have since we are blinded to them. Our thinking wouldn’t be right if we blame what we need as a result of what we think we don’t see.

If I am unthankful in my marriage; unthankful for my husband; unthankful for what God has already done in him and in our marriage, why would I expect God to do more for me?

There is a reason He tells us to remain in a constant state of thanksgiving—He wants to set us up to receive.

“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

Here, the Bible reveals so clearly how it is the will of God for us to always stay thankful in every circumstance. It’s not just about saying the words, “Thank you.”

Thankfulness is an attitude and condition of the heart.

Colossians 2:7 tells us to be overflowing with thankfulness. Is that even possible? Yes! Even in a marriage that feels crazy? Yes! Even with “my” husband? Is it possible to be overflowing with thankfulness when he acts like that? Even when he does that? Yes!

It is definitely possible—God would not tell us to do something in His Word if He thinks we are unable to do it.

When He tells us to overflow with thankfulness, He knows we are completely capable of overflowing with thankfulness!! And He never tells us to do something just “because.” He always has a really great reason!

Our Father commands us to be thankful in everything and in every situation because He knows the position a thankful heart places someone in.

Thankfulness positions you to receive from God, whereas un-thankfulness can keep your heart hard and closed to receiving from God.

An unthankful wife is an unhappy wife because the un-thankfulness blinds her to seeing what she has—all she can see is what she thinks she doesn’t have and she has allowed these things to come between her and her husband.

All the unthankful wife can see is what she thinks he doesn’t do, what she thinks he doesn’t say, how she thinks he doesn’t respond/act, and her personal list of negatives about him could go on and on.

Oppositely, a thankful wife is a happy wife because she notices and sees what she has in her marriage. Thankfulness causes her to major on the good.

From the time we wake up, to the time we go to bed, there’s an unending opportunity to nitpick, become disgruntled, and carry a grudge all over the house.

However, we can remain on this low level of living and communicating, or we can allow thankfulness to elevate us to new heights in every area of our lives.

Being a godly wife means having a lifestyle of thanksgiving. Everything we do towards our husband—every response, every action, every word, and every thought—should pass through the thankful filter.

Wanna get in a good mood fast? Wanna change the atmosphere in your home?

Stir up a thankful heart.

Having a thankful heart causes you to recognize the positive, remember the positive, recount the positive, and respond to the positive.

A thankful wife…
· Recognizes: She recognizes and appreciates every little thing her husband does right. She highlights the GOOD in their home and marriage. She notices and makes it a point to focus on the good in her husband to make sure nothing is allowed to come between them—Not even something he does “wrong” is allowed to come between them.

· Remembers: She remembers every special moment and every sweet word. She doesn’t forget all the good her husband has done and remembers every good reason she married him.

· Recounts: She recounts to God, to herself, and to her husband of all God has done in their marriage and in her husband personally. She communicates to her husband what she is thankful for about him. (That thankfulness rubs off on him, too, Ladies!)

· Responds: She responds to the positive and to the good, bypassing the negative and the bad. She doesn’t respond to the negative, but brings attention to and highlights every good thing and covers every bad thing.

Let me encourage you to nurture thanksgiving in your heart and mind by looking for every good thing. Look for the good in your husband and take time to thank him and God for these things!

Good things are in your husband and in your home! When you are wrapped up in thanksgiving you are too busy to notice the negative things and God will be able to do MORE for you.

Thankfulness opens your heart and home to receive from God and is one of the first steps to receiving more from God in your marriage.

And here’s a fancy little tip: Being thankful towards your husband puts you in a position to receive some pretty sweet things from him, too.

… giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. (Ephesians 5:20, NKJV)

Until next time!
Love you much,
Jessica