Think Happy Thoughts

Does it really matter what we think about?
It mattered for Peter Pan and Wendy.

Their thoughts—and only the happy ones—were able to make them fly, instantly propelling them to higher heights.

But that’s a fairytale. Our thoughts don’t really matter? Especially if you don’t tell anyone. I mean, nobody can possibly know what I’ve been thinking about… Surely no one else knows what’s been going on in this mind of mine…

Or, do they??

So, night before last, I’m lying in bed, just in-right fuming over all the things my husband has been doing that have been bugging me.

And might I add, this is after we just got home from the third night in a row of meetings at church where our pastor has been talking about, “Rejoicing is a required choice.”

Don’t I know this stuff? Don’t I know better? Haven’t I written you numerous emails about this? But here’s where the rubber met the road—I had to practice what I’ve known and preached.

I’m lying there thinking... How can I remain nice and sweet when he leaves all the lights on as I’m trying to go to sleep? I’ve been waiting on him to turn them off for 15 minutes! What is he even doing? (As I imagine all the silly things he’s “probably” doing) Doesn’t he know it’s almost 11 and we have an early morning?

And you know how it goes, one negative thought leads to another

…That’s the other thing that’s been annoying me. I do not understand his timetable. His routine is so different than mine!

… leads to another… I bet he’s doing something on his phone again...

And it doesn’t stop there, the devil is great at reminding us of more fuming reasons: Oh ya, thanks for reminding me, Devil. Why DOES he insist on doing mobile orders for restaurants when we are already sitting in the parking lot of the restaurant? We could’ve already ordered and left by now, everyone is hungry and tired, and we just want to order our food and go home!

But Nooooo. EVERY TIME we have to wait forever to get this app working just so he can get his points! Only to realize, when we pull up to the window, we are at the wrong Taco Bell on the wrong side of town!

And let me stop here. If I don’t quickly end this accusing, lying convo with the devil—I’ve seen it before—I will find myself huffing out of bed, storming into the other room, railing and raving, ruining that night’s sleep for both of us—spewing out bitterness and accomplishing exactly what the devil wanted:

Our striving together, rather than resting together.

The Book of James would like to offer us some insight regarding spewing and striving:

“Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening? … No spring yields both salt water and fresh. Who is wise and understanding among you? Let [her] show by good conduct that [her] works are done in the meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter[ness] and self-seeking [strife, contention, discord] in your hearts…This [kind of] wisdom does not [come from God], but is earthly, sensual, demonic. For where self-seeking [strife, contention, discord] exist, confusion and every evil thing are there. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. Now the fruit of righteousness is sown [planted] in peace by those who make peace.”
(James 3:11-18)

Now that is worthy of deep meditation. Were my fuming thoughts pure, peaceable, merciful, good, and unhypocritical? Were they making peace?

And it’s not like these convos with the devil erupt out of nowhere, as it might seem. Truth is, they had been going on all week. I was subconsciously aware I was listening to the devil’s campaign against my husband, but I hadn’t turned off his channel yet.

Sadly, I continued entertaining it, off and on, even days earlier.

This “quiet-on-the-outside, fuming-on-the-inside party with devil” is according to devilish wisdom, and it is how you practice bitterness.

And this devilish practice can become a horrible habit, producing a deep root that will soon require a Mack truck to pull it out of your heart, if you are to recover.

Thankfully I was able to see where the devil was taking me and I wasn’t going to allow those thoughts to gain any more ground in my heart. Though not easy—it took real effort—I immediately began stirring my mind with thankful thoughts.

So, tell me? Does it matter what we think about?

You see, your mind and your spirit (your heart of hearts) are so closely connected, the Bible describes them as bone and marrow. The thoughts and meditations of our mind become a part of our heart, if they are left there long enough.

Our thoughts become our feelings, and our feelings become our actions and words—good or bad.

It’s not a matter of changing your actions towards Hubs; It’s a matter of changing your thoughts.

As a wife thinks in her heart, so will it be seen. (Proverbs 23:7)

We aren’t fooling our husbands.

I am convinced a husband can see his wife’s heart towards him better than she even knows.

Grumpy moods, depression, solemnness, bursts of anger, silent treatments, disrespectful tones, and the sudden loud slamming motions and “shuttings” are all evidence of what’s been going on in our minds.

On the flip side, a sweet smile, a graceful response, a forgiving reaction, a respectful word, a loving gesture, a helpful initiative, and a joyful countenance all reveal the thoughts and intents of our heart.

Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks
(Luke 6:45).

What’s inside will surely come out. The words (and their tones) coming from your mouth is the fruit of what you’ve planted in your heart.

Attitudes originate from thoughts.

Thoughts are seeds, and whatever you think on (meditate on) is what is planted in the garden of your heart. Whether you mean to plant it, or not; whether you think have a valid reason to think about it, or not—It’s being planted.

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart Be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer.
(Psalm 19:14, NKJV)

So, what’s growing in that garden of yours?

Like a faithful gardener, we are to keep the garden of our heart (Phil. 4:7, Prov. 4:23).

Is the peace of God guarding your heart and mind from the weeds of strife and discord? Is love and forgiveness rooted in the ground of your heart? Is mercy flourishing, keeping you well-watered and joyful?

Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts.
(Proverbs 4:23, GNT)

BE CAREFUL HOW YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND.
YOUR MARRIAGE IS SHAPED BY YOUR THOUGHTS.

Instead of smoldering in all the annoyances and supposed “failures” of my husband, I should have been rejoicing in all the good he does for me and our family: countless hours cooking, and good cooking at that; countless hours of keeping up with our finances to honor the Lord, countless times of taking us to church, always keeping the car gassed up, making sure things always get repaired right away, consistently have the best music playlists for every situation, making me laugh regularly… I could go on and on!

Why couldn’t I have thought about those things?

I have been here in my life, more times than I really want to admit, where I have done it wrong—focusing on trying to change outward actions rather than the inner thoughts and intents of my heart.

And I can tell you for a fact that practicing bitterness (by thinking on critical, divisive, accusing things about my husband) is a health hazard.

A wife’s critical attitude is a far more destructive sin than her husband’s bad habits.

Not only do our thoughts affect the condition of the heart’s garden, but it affects the condition of our physical body.

Guard your heart more than anything else, because the source of your life flows from it. (Proverbs 4:23, NOG)
A merry heart does good, like medicine, But a broken spirit dries the bones. (Proverbs 17:22, NKJV)

We may not be fighting our husband’s failures, bad habits, and inadequacies on the outside, but are we doing it on the inside?

You can only fight that battle holding the devil’s hand for so long—it will make your bones weak, your skin sink, and your joints ache. It can give you ulcers, cancer, and who knows what else?

A happy healthy person is the product of their happy healthy thoughts.

Cultivating the garden of our heart with thankful, merry thoughts strengthens your bones, plumps up your countenance, and moistens your joints. It gives you peace in your physical insides.

If negative thoughts can destroy a marriage, then positive thoughts would surely change a marriage for the good.

When our heart is good, we will only see the good in our husband.

A thankful, merry heart for all the goodness in our husband is better than Dr. Axe’s “Beauty Within” collagen that I’ve desperately taken.

It’s the beauty balm we’ve searched for, the face lift we’ve begged for, and the medicine we’ve needed.

Having a healthy heart, mind, marriage and body is more in our control than we’ve realized.

I don’t want to be an ugly, haggerty, brittle woman who has made a life of practicing bitterness in blaming her husband, or others, for her unhappy life.

Let us not allow the enemy to dictate our thoughts by taking control of our own life. Like the reigns of a horse, we steer our thoughts in a peaceful, thankful direction at all times, keeping our lives and marriages happy.

In true Peter Pan & Wendy fashion, let’s think happy thoughts to elevate our marriages to flights of greater and higher heights.

-Jess-