Don’t Miss Out! (Faith to Honor Your Husband)
No matter how “spiritual” or “un-spiritual” you think he is; no matter how emotionally attached or unattached he seems; no matter to how physically present or un-present he has been, your husband has something inside of him to give, something to offer, something to share—With you and with the kids, and yes, even the dog.
And these things are more valuable than you may have deemed. Oftentimes spouses are missing out on special things because they are lightly esteeming one another and what each other has to say or share.
You don’t get the precious things if you don’t count the precious things as precious.
Recently, I was reading Proverbs 1, and verse 7 particularly stood out to me:
The FEAR OF THE LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction. (KJV)
How does this verse apply to marriage? Before we get too caught up on the ins and outs, two words we need to understand: FEAR and DESPISE.
That word “fear” means a holy, reverential fear—one of honor, reverential awe, and respect. Now, “despise”: this basically means to look down upon, or to not value or esteem, to dishonor and to disrespect.
Now let’s read it in a couple other versions:
To have knowledge, you must first have reverence for the Lord. Stupid people have no respect for wisdom and refuse to learn. (Proverbs 1:7, GNT)
Knowledge begins with respect for the Lord… (Proverbs 1:7, ICB)
This verse is basically telling us that exercising Godly reverence and honor makes you receptive to knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in whatever area you are honoring.
We will never understand the Lord and know Him on a deeper level without maintaining a reverential respect and honor for Him, and the same goes with our husband.
Now, before you run off thinking I'm telling you to bow down to your husband, I'm not. It has to do with our heart.
You experience what you reverence.
You understand more the very thing you pay attention to and respect.
Intimate fellowship is cultivated in none other than an atmosphere of honor.
Take a moment and look at this truth, this verse, from your wife perspective, for this same concept is to be applied with our husbands, as well.
If you really want to gain knowledge [of your husband], you must begin by having respect for [your husband]. (Proverbs 1:7, NIRV)
Knowledge [of your husband] begins with respect for [your husband] … (Proverbs 1:7, ICB)
Have you ever heard anyone say, or maybe you’ve even said it yourself:
“I don’t UNDERSTAND my husband. Why is he like that? Why does he do that? I just don’t GET him.”
Or maybe it’s been something more along these lines:
“I never do anything right for my husband. I don’t KNOW what he wants. I can never make him happy. Just when I THINK I KNOW what he wants, it’s not right. I just want to make him happy, but I don’t KNOW what he wants.”
Or maybe it’s been like this:
“We never get anywhere in conversation because he won’t open up to me. It seems like our fellowship is so surface and never anything real or deep. Is this what marriage is like? Just superficial and shallow?”
Why has it felt like we have come from two different sides of the universe and the childhood phrase, "Men are from Mars and women are from Venus" is actually true?
Why have so many spouses been unable to understand and connect with each other, unable to get on the same page?
This may come as a newsflash for some: Receiving understanding about each other begins with having respect and honor for each other.
Do you want to understand your husband more and on a deeper level? Do you want to know what makes him tick, or what makes him tock? Do you want to realize what makes him happy, or grasp his ways and mindsets on things in a finer way? Do you want to connect with him better? Do you want to experience more intimate fellowship together?
The first step is HONOR and REVERENCE.
However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and LET THE WIFE SEE THAT SHE RESPECTS AND REVERENCES HER HUSBAND [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]. (Ephesians 5:33, AMPC)
Don’t get scared by that word, REVERENCE. Like I said, I’m not saying you need to bow down before him with fancy headdress and flowing dance attire.
But there is a sort of honor and respect that all wives could return to, one that Bible wives operated in at a much higher level.
I mean, the Bible says that even Sarah, who was technically Abraham’s half-sister, had such reverence for her husband that she obeyed him and called him lord.
That freaks a lot of us modern wives OUT. Out of ever considering even the thought of taking the heart of this scripture and applying it to our current day.
Is God wanting me to call my husband, “Lord Matthew”? What about, “Sir Matthew”? In all sincerity, that thought is actually not toooo far gone.
But, no. It’s not about titles. It’s about tone. It’s about the heart.
If I have “LORD MATTHEW” in my HEART, then it will come out in my tone and in my actions, and not to mention, my facial expressions and body movements.
RESPECT AND HONOR COMES OUT… IF IT’S INDEED IN THERE—just like dishonor and disrespect will come out, too.
Do some of us feel like our husbands have not stepped up to the plate, they haven’t done their part, they aren’t there when we need them, they haven’t offered of themselves, and they aren’t teaching the kids?
Maybe it’s because they haven’t been valued, they don’t feel esteemed, they haven’t been REVERENCED or made important in the eyes of the kids.
Could it be that the very honor and reverence Sarah had for Abraham actually PULLED the good, Godly things out of him??
You see, no one shows up in a place where they are not respected, if they can help it.
Do we expect our spouse to open up to us, share intimate things, let us “in,” try to get to know us deeper, or “hang out” when he is not treated special and important—not HONORED?
God only shows up in an atmosphere where He is honored, reverenced, and respected, and our husbands are the same way.
As I look back over the past 19 years of my and Matt’s relationship, I have seen this truth in our marriage in full force, both positively and negatively.
I’ve experienced days upon days where he was silent as a mouse—a result of my lack of honor and respect towards him. On the other hand, I’ve experienced depths of richness in fellowship that came as a result of the deep honor and honor for God that we had among us.
Trust me. I know it takes FAITH to begin showing honor and respect to your husband. Most of the time, your honorable actions will be a choice not based on anything you see or feel from your husband.
But as you do it in faith and in HONOR for God and His Word—which tells you to honor your husband—you will begin to see amazing results.
As you show him respect on a daily basis in every situation, as you honor him in his God-given place as Head of the House, you will begin to experience your husband MORE and excel in understanding as HIS wife.
When he feels honored BY YOU, he will open up TO YOU—able to give you more of himself and share himself with you on a greater level.
When we honor our spouse, we position ourselves to receive what God has put inside of them.
I’m gonna get honest and real with you today, giving you a real-life scenario of these things in my life--times I’ve done it wrong, and times I’ve done it right long enough to experience the treasured results.
Practically every day for the last 6 years, we have with Miah what we call “Family Bible Time,” which is usually led and directed by Matt. In these times, he’s not only teaching and ministering to Miah, but ALSO to me, though I’ve not always admitted it.
I’m sure you can imagine, but “Bible Time," throughout the years, has not always been as perfect as it might sound: Miah has flat fallen asleep, I’ve even conked out, Matt has been unable to get anywhere with what the Lord put on his heart, we’ve all been distracted more times than once by Yoshi the Cat, we’ve gotten into fights, and yes, we’ve both even left “Bible Time,” leaving the other one with Miah, high and dry.
Let me confess, most all of these “Bible Time” fails have been a result of ME not hooking, not honoring my husband, and not valuing what he has on his heart to share.
There have been instances upon instances where I did not see, understand, or agree with where he was going in our discussion.
Many times, not happy to admit this, because I did not agree with the direction he was on—thinking things like, “How does this apply to Miah?” “Does she even understand this?” “Aren’t there other things we should be focusing on?” “Does he know she needs to get to bed?” “Why is this taking so long?” “I do not understand where he is even going with this...” “Is she getting anything out of this?”—it came out in my demeanor, responses, and facial expressions.
If I didn’t like his angle or direction, I would slouch in my chair, maybe even close my eyes, and huff a time or two.
Where I was really failing was in lack of honor for God, which came out in my dishonor for Matt.
You may be thinking how on earth could I ever do things like that? Jessica! That is so bad! So disrespectful. I would never do that.
But the truth is we’ve all done this in some fashion or another. We’ve all failed to stay hooked with our husbands, failing to show honor in ways we may not even recognize.
Now, before you get off thinking I’m the wife from hell, I would like to give you the other hand—I often do it right. Thankfully, more times than not, “Family Bible Time” has been swell. My hooking in reverence/honor makes all the difference.
Has Matt been flawless in facilitating these “Bible Times,” perfectly hearing from the Lord, totally 100% of the time, taking us on the exact precise direction of the Lord? No, he hasn’t.
And again… Trust me. I know it takes faith to sit and stay hooked when you have no idea where he is going, when you don’t really see if it’s the right way to communicate the concept to Miah, when you’re not even sure if it’s applicable to her.
It takes trusting God by trusting my husband and hooking with him to get the right things out right.
But here is the kicker! The times I have done this correctly have been priceless—times when God has literally SHOWN up in our living room and walked amongst us.
We have had “Bible Times” when Miah has been brought to tears because we have reached the heart of a matter, times when she has rejoiced sitting on the couch because of a new light on a verse she had never understood before, and times when we’ve all gotten down on our knees because the presence of God was so strong.
These times are so valuable, but would have never happened had I not reverenced my husband and honored the words coming out of his mouth. (When we do this, our kids will follow suit!)
God was able to get out, through the Head of the House, what we all needed as a family when wife and daughter supported, reverenced, honored, and stayed hooked.
This is not only limited to “Bible Times.” This can be the case at all times.
I’m reminded of this scripture:
But Jesus said to them, A prophet is not without honor (deference, reverence) except in his [own] country and among [his] relatives and in his [own] house. (Mark 6:4, AMPC)
Beautiful Help Mates, let’s rearrange this!
Let’s make this to say, “A husband is NOT without honor (deference, reverence) in his OWN house.”
Let’s do it differently from here on out, never to return to irreverential, dishonorable ways.
And finally, I’ll leave you with two scriptures worthy of meditation:
Let marriage be held in honor (esteemed worthy, precious, of great price, and especially dear) in all things… (Hebrews 13:4, AMPC)
When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him—to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband]. (1 Peter 3:2, AMPC)
Enjoy your husband as the prized possession he is,
Jessica