From Where Do You Expect?

You know what I have found to be the biggest problem in most marriages and with most wives (since I’m not writing to husbands), myself included?

Misplaced expectation.

Looking to our husbands instead of looking to the Lord, our expectation has often been misplaced.

My soul, wait thou only upon God;

for my expectation is from Him.

(Psalm 62:5, KJV)

Think about it for just a minute:

Is it true that most marriage arguments are a result of one spouse not doing something the other spouse expected them to do? Or, they did something they were expected not to do.

I think one of the biggest root causes of dissatisfaction in marriages are these UNMET EXPECTATIONS.

You thought it would be like this, but it’s not. You thought he would be like this, but he’s not. He thought you’d do this, but you don’t. Together, you figured you’d do this, but you haven’t.

And so, your marriage is unhappy, dissatisfied, and unfulfilled.

Is there an answer?

Is there any hope for us?

“I thought we were supposed to be able to expect some things from our husbands?” some might ask.

I must calm down and turn to God; He is my only hope.

(Psalm 62:5, ERV)

My pastor always says that when it comes to God, we should expect big! But when it comes to people, expect nothing and be thankful for everything.

Now there’s a big key to happiness.

If you’re expecting everything from the Lord, and everything your husband does you receive as a gift,

then you are gonna be one happy lady.

You see, anything you EXPECT your husband to do is

no longer a gift when he does it.

The word “expect” has a couple synonyms that really stood out to me: require and demand.

When I think of requirements and demands, I think of a checklist:

Cared for the kids - check;

brought home the bacon - check;

remembered to give me a kiss - check;

picked up the kid from soccer practice - check;

remembered to take out the trash - check.

If this doesn’t make a relationship cold, I don’t know what does?

As we think about what kind of list of requirements (expectations and demands) we may have on our husbands, let’s stop just a moment and think about what Jesus did for us.

He loved us WHILE we were yet sinners,

and His unconditional love is still flowing to us today:

…having wiped out the handwriting of requirements that was against us, which was contrary to us. And He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross. (Colossians 2:14, NKJV)

Can we do the same for our husbands? Can we wipe out the handwriting of requirements against him? Can we throw out our checklist and let him breath? Can we allow him to do everything from his heart and not because he is obligated?

Thinking about this caused me to stop and ask myself, “Are there things, through my actions and words, that I am requiring or demanding from my husband?” The answer is, yes, there are. And if those requirements (expectations) are not met, I could easily walk around miffed. What does walking around miffed and disgruntled do to me? It causes me to unhook in my heart towards my spouse and become half-hearted in our relationship. What does it do to my spouse? It puts pressure on him to perform, and not from his heart. Why would I want him to do anything he doesn’t want to do? And the thing is, most men DO want to do what is right as a husband/father/etc., but most of the time our pressure on them pushes them away rather than drawing them closer.

Think about it from another perspective: If everything you do as a wife is received by your husband as a gift from your heart, not as a requirement from him—every cooked meal, every washed clothing, every kind word, every romantic rendezvous—you are encouraged to give even more. When every good thing we do is appreciated and not expected,

we want to do more.

Let me bring it home a little—it’s all a matter of mindset:

·        Husband comes home late from work and didn’t pre-tell you. Are you upset and hold it against him the rest of the evening, or are you thankful he even came home at all? Many husbands have never come home.

·        You find your husband’s floss in strange places all around the house. Do you keep bringing it up hoping he’ll get the idea, or are you thankful your husband takes care of his teeth at all?

Many men don’t take care of their teeth.

·        Husband won’t put away his socks or hang up his clothes for the life of him. Do you grumble-grumble, or are you sincerely happy every time you pick up his clothes because you are thankful you even have a husband? I don’t know how many ladies are still praying for a husband! They would be happy to have one to pick up after!

·        Husband doesn’t make the effort to get up in time for church, week after week. Do you keep trying to talk to him about it, telling him how important it is for the kids, making sure Sunday afternoons are miserable for him? Or, do you relax and put your expectation (your hope) in God, trusting that He is working because you have prayed, and treat Hubs as if nothing is wrong at all? (OOOOO, I know that’s harder than it sounds, Ladies. But that is true trusting in God, unmoved by what you see.)

SO, if you can’t expect from your husband, what do you do?

With all your might, put your expectation on the One who can do something about everything—God.

Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord. (Psalm 27:14, AMPC)



Is our husband obligated to us to do all the things that are right as a husband and a father? NO. Should he? YES, but that’s between him and God. This is why we expect FROM GOD and not from Hubs.

We are not his Lord.

What does it mean to expect from God? It means you look to God in order to receive from God. When we do this, then it allows us to be able to love our husbands unconditionally, with no strings attached, with no “handwriting of requirements” or “checklist” because we are receiving from GOD and not from him.

Ladies, know that your husband’s flesh will always disappoint,

but looking full-faced to God you will NEVER be disappointed.

Those who go [look] to Him for help are happy [radiant], and they [their faces] are never disgraced [shamed].

(Psalm 34:5, EXB)

Let me give you a royal example of a wife’s faith we can follow: Bro. Smith Wigglesworth’s wife, Polly.

Have you ever heard of the famous minister Smith Wigglesworth and any of his and Mrs. Polly’s victory stories?

In short, Bro. Smith Wigglesworth was a British Evangelist with a world-wide ministry during the Pentecostal awakening in the early 1900s. However, at the time of this story, he was in a spiritual backslidden time in his life, but not Mrs. Polly! Polly’s fire and fervor for the Lord was beginning to show up his lack of diligence for God and he began to be annoyed at her, and on one occasion, he, in a fit of fury, picked up his wife and literally threw her out of the house. During this time, he didn't want her to go to church but she went anyway. When she did, he'd lock her out of the house, and when she came home, she'd have to sleep on the back porch, bundled up and kept warm by only her outerwear, and leaning against the door. In the morning, Bro. Smith would unlock and open the door, waking her up as she fell through the door’s threshold. Now, this is where most wives would just have it out with their husbands, but not Mrs. Polly! She'd gather and pick herself up off the floor and come in and say, "Good morning, Smithy!" and ask him what he wanted for breakfast, as if he did her no wrong! As a result, her love and faith-filled actions were the catalyst he needed to surrender his life to God and to go full-force for God in the ministry—an anointed impactful ministry of faith, healings, miracles, and even bringing the dead back to life!

Mrs. Polly Wigglesworth was the picture of a strong, faith-filled (faithful) woman full of the unconditional, no-strings-attached love of God. Her love for her husband was unaffected by his ungodly condition.

Is the love we have for our husbands a conditional love?

If she can love her husband happily in those conditions,

then by golly, we can, too.

EXPECT FROM THE GOD WHO IS INSIDE YOUR HUSBAND.

Let’s get practical. How can we do like Mrs. Polly and trust God in the face of our husband doing things we don’t like? Trusting God means choosing to look at Him and making the choice to believe that He is working in our husband no matter what we see. We find out what God says about our husband—who he is IN JESUS—and we rest in those promises, no matter what we see in the natural. Now, to do this, it will take spending time with the Lord in prayer and fellowship (waiting on and hearing from Him), and in His Word (renewing our minds by reading the Bible and hearing it preached/taught- Rom.10:17, Prov. 4:20-22) to see what God actually says about our husbands (wives, too)! This is one of so many reasons why the Bible says not to forsake the assembling of ourselves together (Heb. 10:25, a.k.a. going to church)!

Take it from me. If you will do this, and if you remain trusting God,

standing on what His Word says

about your husband, you will for sure see fruit, results, and change.

Upon God alone, O my soul, rest peacefully; for my expectation is from him. (Psalm 62:5, DARBY)

How do we not give up when day after day and year after year we haven’t seen changes? What did King David the psalmist say? He said, “I would have fainted, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living” (Psalm 27:13, KJ21).

So, because we believe that we WILL SEE God work, and we know God is able to, and that He will do according to His Word concerning our husbands, we will do exactly what Abraham and Sarah did. God promised them a son in the midst of their old age, in the midst of their barrenness, and what did they do?

Who (Abraham) against hope believed in hope, that he might become the father of many nations, according to that which was spoken, So shall thy seed be. And being not weak in faith, he considered not his own body now dead, when he was about an hundred years old, neither yet the deadness of Sarah's womb: He staggered not at the promise of God through unbelief; but was strong in faith, giving glory to God; And being fully persuaded that, what [God] had promised, [God] was able also to perform. (Romans 4:18-21, KJV)

How do we not give up but keep believing God, expecting from HIM,

like Abraham and Sarah?

1. We consider not. We cannot consider what our husband is doing or not doing.

2. We must consider something else instead—look to someone else (God) and something else (His Word concerning your husband). Consider who God’s Word says your husband really is, despite his actions, words, and lifestyle. Stand on that. Believe in that. Don’t give up on that.

Are you fully persuaded enough to “consider not” what your husband is doing or not doing? This is how we get through. This is how we see the victory in our marriage and in our husbands. It’s the same way Mrs. Polly Wigglesworth did with her husband, Bro. Smith. Accounts say that she continued lifting him up in prayer, believing God for her husband’s victory. She was not moved by his ungodly actions, nor did she hold those actions against him. She had her eyes on Someone bigger, on the One and Only One Who could changer her husband.

Lift your eyes up off your husband and on to The Greater One!

I will lift up my eyes to the hills—From whence comes my help? My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth.

He will not allow your foot to be moved; He who keeps you will not slumber. (Psalm 121:1-3, NKJV)

Trust me! When you trust God and put all your hope in Him, considering (keeping your eyes on) only what His Word says

concerning your husband,

you will not be ashamed!

They looked to Him and were radiant, And their faces were not ashamed. (Psalm 34:5, NKJV)

Oh, how great is Your goodness, Which You have laid up for those who fear You, Which You have prepared for those who trust in You In the presence of the sons of men! (Psalm 31:19, NKJV)

Love you all,

Jessica