Have you ever heard the phrase, “There’s a God-shaped hole in everyone’s heart that only God can fill”?
I grew up hearing that, but I didn’t understand its significance until I got married. Until you try fitting someone or something else into that place, you may not realize what it means.
Before marriage, it was me and Jesus. I found full satisfaction in Him, and I took that for granted. I was convinced nothing and no one could take His place.
Then I got married.
Without realizing it, I began looking to my husband for things I had always looked to the Lord to provide.
It wasn’t overnight. It was a gradual shift.
Love, fellowship, happiness, adventure, satisfaction, fulfillment, answers, my heart’s desires… somehow, my expectation moved from the Lord to Matt.
And that is a lot of pressure to put on a husband!
Yes, we have responsibilities to love and care for one another. But our spouses were never meant to take God’s place as the fulfiller of these things.
This reminds me of a funny story about Matt. Hopefully he won’t mind me sharing. 😂
When he was about ten, he visited a distant relative who raised goats. Now, keep in mind, Matt did NOT grow up around farms or farm animals. He was a Hawaiian local boy at heart, so you gotta give him a little grace!
When it was time to milk the goats, they decided to have a little fun with the Hawaiian boy and assigned him a billy goat.
Matt fully expected to come back with milk. 😂
That goat wasn’t being stubborn or withholding anything. Matt was expecting something the goat was never designed to provide.
And sometimes, that’s exactly what we’re doing to our spouses.
We keep expecting and getting frustrated—trying to get from them what we can only receive from God.
The answer for us is to go back to our Source.
When we look to each other to supply what only God can give, we can both end up frustrated and worn out. We feel empty, they feel pressured, and before long, we’re both trying to draw from a place that was never meant to be our source.
But when we both go to the Source that never runs dry, there doesn’t have to be a drought between us. We can each come to the table refreshed and watered, with something to give instead of trying to suck the other person dry.
“And the LORD shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought, and make fat thy bones: and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not.”
—Isaiah 58:11, KJV
He satisfies your soul.
You don’t have to wait for your spouse to have something to give before you can be refreshed. You can go to the Lord and let Him water your soul, fill you with His goodness, and make YOU a source of refreshment in your home.
“For I have satiated the weary soul, and I have replenished every sorrowful soul.”
—Jeremiah 31:25, KJV
“He restoreth my soul…”
—Psalm 23:3, KJV
“…in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.”
—Psalm 16:11, KJV
Sometimes we feel an emptiness, a longing, a dissatisfaction—and we look to our spouse to make it go away.
Maybe more attention will satisfy it. More affection. More time together. Another gift. Another trip.
Those things can be blessings, but they cannot satisfy a spiritual hunger.
In many cases, there is a spiritual hunger that hasn’t been satiated, and we’re trying to get from our spouse what only the things of God can satisfy.
If your spirit is hungry, you can receive everything you’ve been asking your spouse for and still feel like something is missing. Because that hunger can only be satisfied by God—His Word, His presence, His Spirit, and accomplishing His plan.
“For he satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness.”
—Psalm 107:9, KJV
So how do we get filled up?
Here are 4 basic ways:
⭐️Get filled up on the Word.
“…Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.”
—Matthew 4:4, KJV
Your spirit needs nourishment just like your body does. Read His Word. Feed on it—think on it/meditate on it. Believe it. Give His Word room to grow in you.
⭐️Spend time in His presence—in prayer and fellowship with Him.
In His presence is fullness of joy! Talk to Him. Worship Him. Listen. Fellowship with Him throughout your day but also steal away with Him in times where it’s just you and Him.
⭐️Stay full of the Holy Ghost. Keep that fire burning!
“And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit; Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord.”
—Ephesians 5:18–19, KJV
Keep yielding to the Holy Ghost. Pray in the Spirit. Sing to the Lord. Give thanks. Respond to His leading.
⭐️And DO what He tells you to do.
Jesus said, “My meat is to do the will of him that sent me, and to finish his work.”
—John 4:34, KJV
There is nourishment and satisfaction in accomplishing what God has called you to do.
Sometimes we’re dissatisfied because we aren’t doing what He’s been telling us to do—and we carry that dissatisfaction into our marriage.
We keep looking for something our spouse could give us or change that would finally make us feel fulfilled.
But that longing isn’t going to be satisfied by anything our spouse can offer.
Go to God with that hunger. Fill up on His things. Give yourself to His plan.
In doing these main things, you’ll have plenty to keep your heart full and satisfied.
And finally, bring your needs and desires to the Lord. There will be times He uses your husband or wife as an avenue to get you what you need—but let GOD decide how He provides. Let Him be your Source.
This can relieve so much pressure, stress, and strife in our marriages. Then, anything your spouse gives you is an added blessing you can be thankful for, because you weren’t depending on them to satisfy what only God can fill.
As the Lord satisfies you, you become like a well-watered garden. A well-watered garden has nourishment to share! Let your spouse enjoy the refreshment and fruit of what God is doing in you.
Let’s embrace this shift of mindset. Instead of sucking our spouses dry, we can become wells of refreshment and love.
Rather than looking at each other for satisfaction, we can stand next to each other, looking at Jesus together—for satisfaction, love, and fulfillment.
With love,
Jessica