Practical Ways to "Helpmate"

A close friend of mine recently reached out to a group of both husbands and wives, asking them,

“How are wives to help their husbands in a practical way? How does this really play out in our lives?”

She was so encouraged and inspired by the heartfelt input. 

Below is the compilation of responses, with a few of my own comments. Before sharing, though, I think we should address a question I can almost hear some asking out loud:

“Why didn’t she ask how husbands can help their wives?

Why are the wives the ones having to help?”

The answer to that question is found in the Bible. God specifically ordained wives to be the helpmeet, not the other way around. Just like Christ is the Head of the Church, husbands are the head of their home, head of the wife, head of the family. This is the way God set up marriage and family to function.

If we want God’s perfect, fabulous will happening

in our marriages, then we must be willing

to DO His perfect, fabulous will.

To make it short, it’s not until we as wives really begin to relish and glory in our place as underneath our husband—as his beautiful help-mate according to God’s design—that we will begin to really enjoy our lives and marriages. Not until then will we be flowing and growing in our God-given place.

Hope you enjoy these “sharings” as well.

Husband: Spiritually, she will pray over us, for me, and for others when I am bogged down in details.

Mentally, she is an exhorter and fits perfectly with me. She also has no problem with the truth, good or bad. Always the second person I bounce an idea off or look to for advice. Physically, she will be there with me as a partner in travels and meetings, which is important to stand together. Her presence can change the atmosphere in the room or conversation.

Husband: She does the financial records and all the computer tedious stuff. Enjoys grocery shopping and cooking. Picks the fixtures and colors whenever I build or remodel something.

Wife: Think tank planning and reviewing matters from different angles to reach a confident decision in unity. Staying up until 2 am while Hubby’s on the road praying and/or talking to keep him awake while he drives 1000 miles back home. Anticipating his needs before he's ready to admit it and arranging a stop off place at kids' home to crash on couch for a few hours so he doesn't drive 1000 miles all night. He didn't like my pre-plan idea when he was energetic but was grateful when that time came and he needed it. I was happy he was safe.

Wife: Pray for them. Tell them every day you love them. Show your respect for them and spend time with each other.

Husband: I know that I can share anything or talk about anything without any condescension or criticism!! I trust her input and vantage point. I am secure in our relationship because of trust!! She believes in me and always has my back. She displays this by embracing and encouraging me in my manhood! Ladies, how important this one is!! Our man should feel safe sharing his thoughts with us!

Wife: Being a support, and not a hindrance. Not assuming we know what they want or need (being motherly or what we think is being a good wife). Most of the time it is not what we think.

Helping them get their clothes together or whatever is needed for them to do the task at hand.

Go do things with them they like to do. Staying [spiritually] built up yourself so that you are not griping or nagging all the time to bring them down. Pray for them that they lead the household in the right way and make the right decisions for the household as the head. We are not helping him stay up if we are not staying up ourselves! So good!

Wife: Pray for him. Listen. Look ahead to see what he needs (e.g. for his day, for the week, for his job).

Husband: She does things that I don't have time to do like helping to care for my mother. Getting her to doctor visits. Meal planning, running errands on her day off, helping with finances/banking/taxes/attorneys, etc. I often lean on her knowledge and experience in areas that I don't have confidence in. The planning of our life. The when, the where, the why it's important. She takes care of all the planning. Homeschooling our children, planning vacations, our social calendar. She's a huge help with my spiritual and mental health thru prayer and Bible study together. Together!!

Wife: My most important job as wife is to help him feel the respect that I, our children, and others have for him. He knows that I am truly humbled every day that God thinks enough of me to allow me to be his wife. He knows this because other people know that and tell him. He knows that I don't ever complain about him to others. I think that helps him stand taller and walk thru life with confidence. I strive to be an emotionally safe place that he can be honest and vulnerable with his thoughts and feelings without being judged when he may be feeling weak. I help him talk thru his thoughts, capture them and view them through the filter of scripture. I want to take as many "have to do's" out of the way so that he has more time for his "want to do's". 

Scheduling our calendar helps the most with this, especially when the kids were growing up.

Wife: Pray and be in faith for him to perceive and execute God's plan for our family. Believe that he will get it. Support and assist in the execution of the plan. Maybe I can't repair a truck, but I can do other things that lift the burden and make his journey more comfortable. For example, he appreciates that I pay the bills and he doesn't have to think about it. Be happy. Our guys love us and want us to be happy. When we are mopey, depressed, or nagging, it's in their nature to try to fix it.

This adds to their load rather than lifting it.

Wife: I like to be his biggest cheerleader, also to be a team player in whatever God directs him to do whether in business or any endeavor. To show him love and respect and to always provide a welcoming oasis for him to come home to.

Husband: Love / encouragement / acts of service.

Wife: To be His Best Friend. A Faithful Friend. To be an Encourager, the one he wants to talk to about ALL things. For example: if my husband ever seems stressed or fatigued or discouraged (primarily with his job), I can bless him in the home by keeping our home tidy, making the home always ready and comfortable - a place of Peace. The state of our home is so important in helping our husbands!! The Bible tells wives to take care of the home (Prov. 14, Titus 2). It is our responsibility! Doesn’t mean they can’t help, but the state of the home ultimately falls to us.

Wife: So, for me, the answer to this question came years back when I was praying and reading scripture about my marriage. And I asked the Lord how could I do this practically. What was a step I could take? And He spoke to me clearly and said,

“Listen, really listen to your husband.”

So as I have walked that out through the years what it means to me is that if I will really listen, as my husband‘s helper, he will tell me how I can help him. Maybe he might ask if I would make a certain phone call or run a certain errand… Or something else. If I would make certain I was really listening enough to remember and do what he asks, that would be such a great help to him. And also it may not be a particular thing he wants done. But just listening to his thoughts and ideas and his preferences on things. And caring enough to make thoughtful note of that. I love how the Word says Mary would treasure things in her heart. That says to me she was a good listener. So, I believe and have experienced that if we listen to our husbands they will share their hearts and we will know how to pray for them and how to help them. And we will reap the benefits and rewards of them listening to us as well.... LISTEN AND LEARN.

Wife: In our marriage, I want to encourage my husband, love him in ways that mean the most to him (LOTS of physical touch and verbal praise), and do practical things to free him up and help him fulfill his God-given purpose and dreams. For example, I handle most of the indoor household management stuff (shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry). I do the bookkeeping and correspondence for our family business and ministry. I serve as a sounding board for his many ideas, and when it seems necessary I try to keep his feet on the ground (or at least within shouting distance of the ground) without being a wet blanket. I remind him of the great qualities I see in him (steadfastness, drive, initiative, faithfulness, determination, flexibility, kindness, creativity, to name a few). He is especially big on recreational companionship, so I do things with him that we both enjoy (playing cards or board games, going on bike rides, geocaching).

I need to give him more hugs and kisses!

Husband: Thought about this for 2 days!! Most of everything I do or need she has a part of... everything she does is a help to me. Never really realized! From getting dressed (she washes and folds my clothes), stopping for gas on the way to work, (she takes care of the checkbook so I always have money), at work, (she prays for me), when I get home, (she feeds me and makes sure I have sweets), she takes care of the kids when I’m busy (and all the other times). While I’m napping she keeps the kids quiet, and always finds the stuff that I say is missing, .... so, in short answer......... she helps in EVERY aspect of my life. Encourages me, loves me, feeds me, and always there to give me a helping hand! She is my helper!! Your husband really does appreciate you!!

Wife: I believe wives are to be to their husbands, just like they would be to a best girlfriend...

BUT, even MORE! We as ‘girlfriends’ try really hard to:

>not be critical, but uplifting and encouraging

(=a Positive support system)

>be good listeners (=know when to close thy mouth and open thy ears...because you can’t hear the rest of the story if you’re trying to interrupt and tell yours.)

>be there for them in times of need (=and sometimes he just needs me to take hold of his hand and not even say a word, but show him he is not alone at that moment; once again, a Positive support system) And of course, the part that only a husband and wife get to share with one another. (Do not deny him his need to ‘connect’ with me emotionally and physically, because that is when he draws even ‘nearer’ to me.

Wife: A big one is prayer. Praying for your husband is a very important and good way to help him.

As a wife, I've noticed that it really helps if I ask him how his day went or is going. Sometimes as a female, I’ve forgotten in the past that not everything is about “me.”

It shows them love and helps them know that you love them and are interested in them in that way.

Wife: Practical ways... showing respect towards your husband by being supportive and choosing the right words to show that.... example: when he’s thinking of changing jobs and you don’t see it...don’t tell him it’s the dumbest thing and list out all the reasons not to change. Instead, ask him more questions about it and be open and pray for wisdom for both of you; giving him encouraging words while he’s looking to make the right decisions for his family. Being a helpmate with daily tasks such as making sure he’s got clothes ready for church and/or work, making meals so that he can focus on what his call is and what he’s supposed to be doing. Just being a help with small tasks to show love and that you can make time out of your day to support and show respect in different ways to him. 

Making room for our husband in our everyday lives!

Husband: My wife does so much for me. I've found that she really likes it when I ask her if there's anything I can do to help her when she's cooking, doing laundry, and other tasks.

She says it really helps her to be able to get more done so that we can both relax later.

Wife: Being an encouragement- being his cheerleader!! Doing practical things that you are good at, that he's not - bringing your strengths & giftings to be used. Where he is weak in areas, you may be strong, and vice-versa. Together you make a mighty team for God!!! Show interest in things that interest him! That's a huge blessing to him!!!

Wife: For me one of the biggest things that comes to my mind is really get to know him. It's about having a good relationship, where you find out what pleases him and helps him feel supported. Once we find out these things, we can begin to be the most help to him.

Another thing is to pray for him. God can do so much more for him than we ever thought or imagined. I believe this is where submitting to his authority comes in. As we do, it gives us a right and the power to get our prayers answered. I believe it is where our real power as women comes from. Lastly, I would say don't compare your relationship with others. Every couple is different and called to do different things. Therefore, they may look very different as well, and that's okay.

God made us all unique to do His plan.

Wife: I believe that God helps me ‘complete’ the relationship with my husband. Wherever he leaves off, I can pick up. That can be in a practical sense or a spiritual sense. Providing support means having a solid foundation. The atmosphere in the home can have a big impact on his emotional and spiritual well-being. Be patient in communication. Try to make the most of each moment and season. Allow the Holy Spirit to help in all areas.

Never stop dreaming with him.

Husband: God certainly said it right when he said it was not good for me to be alone. She is such a great example of being a helpmate or helper to me. She really positions me to succeed and, in a sense, goes before me to prepare the way so I can walk through the doors God has put before me. All she does with our ministry to communicate with our partners and always raising up the work that God is doing through me is like how the Holy Spirit always lifts up Jesus. She also does this in our business. She does the behind the scenes work so I can go out and conquer the dragons we face. Even little things like making my lunch when I am out and come home late (we usually each make our own lunch). She willingly lays down her life and sets aside her own interests to help me fulfill the visions and callings that I have. And not just spiritual things, she isn't resentful when I go out and play tennis. She knows how it energizes me and does what she can to see to it that I have that opportunity to be filled back up (energized). She isn’t resentful!! WOW.

All this makes me realize how blessed I am to have a helper like her. Thanks for the encouragement to acknowledge all the good I have from God because of her.

Excuse me while I go and tell her thank you!

I love how this stirred and is stirring thankfulness in each of us!

I hope these thoughts from other spouses have encouraged and inspired you. Have a great week!!

Jess