Sacrificial Love A Husband's Point of View
Matt and I were on a walk the other night… with our puppy, Chester Copperpot… And it came up in conversation—he brought it up, not me—about how important it is for husbands to be tender with their wives. Not because wives are weak and need to be “tenderly” cared for, but because of how the husband is to view his wife—as special and precious enough to be tenderly cared for.
As we were talking, I said to him, "Why don’t you write the next Faith Heights for Helpmates newsletter?!" So, after reading what he had on his heart, though he is talking to husbands for the most part (which is fine by me since it has recently come to my attention that many husbands are reading these letters), I also thoroughly received from what he shares today and I believe you will, too.
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Hey, Faith Heights Family!
Matthew here. Have you been enjoying the rich truths Jess has been ministering to you? The Lord has given her so many valuable and precious things—you should see what I see when she’s preparing, studying, and wading out into the writing process. She really gives her all to you and for you—all for your benefit! It reminds me of a Jesus I know…
Meanwhile, back at the “ranch,” as she’s writing I’m nearby somewhere—just like a wide-eyed kid waiting to lick the beaters clean of the buttery cookie dough—biding my time with anticipation until I get a big taste. Ha!
Also, it’s so great to hear the feedback from all of you and to hear your testimonies. Please, keep the responses coming! We have no greater joy than to see the fruit of the Word coming to pass.
All that being said, I encourage you not to just read the things Jess is sending as if you are reading a story for entertainment. Neither read the precious things she sends as if you’re reading a cute anecdote, or an interesting, thought-provoking article from one of your go-to publications. These are not just bits of “good information,” destined to be filed somewhere in the memory cabinets of our brain. Nope! If we’re really getting them from the Lord for you, then they are spirit and they are life to you (Jhn. 6:63, KJV). They—the Spirit and life-filled words—are sent to help and build us up so we’re ready to face and overcome any challenge. So many Christians and their marriages are defeated, not because they don’t have what it takes, but because they are too weak in their inner being—their spirit. These are “spiritual” teachings meant to help strengthen you “spiritually.”
Firstly, spiritual things must be spiritually discerned and cannot be ascertained with the natural, unrenewed mind (1 Cor. 2:14, KJV). Secondly, spiritual truths are meant to be put into practice. When you do, you gain experience in living by faith and (Gal. 2:20, Heb. 10:38, KJV), if you will, your spiritual “muscles” are exercised! (Jms. 1:23-25, Heb. 5:12-14, KJV)
The same goes for anything else the Lord shows you from His Word. Anytime He reveals more to you, He means for you to immediately make it a part of your everyday life. The more you are a doer of God’s words, the stronger and more like Jesus you become as long as you stick with it. What the Bible instructs us to do is always the highest way, it’s always the best way, and it’s always the right way. Moreover, you can’t allow yourself to grow weary in the well-doing of it, for in due season, you will reap as long as you don’t faint (Gal. 6:9, 2 Th. 3:13, KJV).
Don’t fall for the trap of wondering what you’re doing wrong, you just have to do the right thing long enough!
I don’t mean doing something out of ritual, mechanics, condemnation, or a sense of religious duty, but because you love Jesus, and you believe what He’s telling you. Consistency will bring about your breakthrough, so don’t focus on what you don’t know, or don’t have, or don’t understand. Keep a steadfast gaze on what you DO KNOW, what you DO HAVE, and what you DO UNDERSTAND. This is partly what it means to walk in the light instead of darkness. Fixing your eyes on what you don’t know, don’t have, or don’t understand would be walking in darkness (Jhn. 8:12, 1 Jhn. 1:7, Psa. 56:13, KJV). Putting it plainly, it’s focusing on what you can’t see, and you can’t see what’s in the dark.
Going back to being a doer of the Word now, let’s consider this example. When the Bible says for husbands to “love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Eph. 5:25, KJV), that means as a husband, I can’t just treat Jess any ol’ way. As her husband, the way I love her—to the best of my understanding and ability—has to match the example set forth in the Scriptures. In this case, I (the husband) must love my wife (Jessica) like Jesus loves the Church, who is His bride. Simply stated, Jesus’ bride, the Church, are all the Christians put together: those in Heaven, and those alive on the earth. The Church is the Bride of Christ (Rev. 19:7, 21:9, KJV).
Now, notice the scripture below doesn’t just stop at “love your wives.” The Bible didn’t say, “Now husbands, you bunch of rascals, quit fiddlin’ around and love your wives, you hear me?” and that’s it. No, it tells us how to love our wives. So, if a husband desires to be a doer of the Word and not a hearer only, he needs to pay attention! Let’s break down what the Holy Spirit is instructing husbands through Paul:
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself…” (Eph. 5:25-33, KJV)
1. Love your wives as Christ loved the Church.
a. How did He love the Church?
i. He gave Himself for it.
Let’s focus on the 1st and foundational point of what the Holy Spirit is saying about husbands loving their wives as Christ loves the Church. In what way did Jesus love His bride? Of all the things that could have been said, the Bible says that Christ “gave himself” for the Church, which is His bride. Husbands, do you know what the Bible is talking about here? If we’re supposed to love our wives like Jesus loves His Church, then we need to follow Jesus’ example, don’t we? So how did Jesus give Himself?
Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children; And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet smelling savor. (Eph. 5:1-2, KJV)
Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God. (Eph. 5:1-2, NLT)
Alright…number 1…Husbands, are you ready?
We are to love our wives by giving ourselves up for her as an offering and sacrifice to God. We are to offer ourselves as a sacrifice in her stead, and we are to do it as unto the Father. Husbands, we don’t make our wives be the ones to always sacrifice! If anyone is going to sacrifice, it’s going to be us, and it’s going to be our privilege to do so, are you hearing the Word, Fellas?
Whoever sacrifices with a loving and willing heart is the one who is serving. If the wife is the only one who sacrifices, then her role changes from wife to slave, from bride to bondservant, and from spouse to laborer for hire.
We sacrifice of our time, our energies, our ability, our strength, etc., so that our wives can have the privilege and freedom to enjoy those blessings, and to choose to reciprocate that love from her heart, and NOT from a sense of duty! And we’re doing it all for the Father’s pleasure and our wife’s benefit. Just as Jesus offered Himself up for us for the Father’s pleasure, everything we do for her and to her, we are to do it while keeping the Father in mind because He’s watching.
How we love and treat our wives, would it be acceptable or unacceptable to Him. Would it be a pleasing aroma to Him, or a rank stank? Ha!
Every time you open the door for her because you love her, you are sacrificing for her. “How is that?” someone might ask. If you open the door for her, that means she doesn’t have to open it herself even though she’s perfectly capable of doing so. That’s why it’s a sacrifice! If you deal with the kids so she doesn’t have to, that’s a sacrifice. If you do the dishes and clean up after yourself instead of expecting her to do it all, you’re doing it so she doesn’t have to! You are sacrificing your time— anything else you could be doing—so she doesn’t have to do it.
And that’s just one side of the sacrificial aspect. The other side would be to sacrifice for her in ways she could never repay you or even do for herself. This is the Jesus-kind of love! You seek to love her and to express your love for her by giving yourself sacrificially in ways that only result in her benefit. You also do these things in such a way to where she owes you nothing, even if you went to extreme lengths to do so!
Isn’t this what Jesus did? Everything Jesus did—going to the Cross, suffering for us, being separated from the Father—He did it with no regard to what was best for Him, but for us. Then, He basically said, “Love me back if you want to.” Isn’t that true? Do we HAVE to love Jesus back? Do we have to choose Him? No, we don’t. I could die and go to Hell if I wanted to refuse Jesus, but that’s NOT my choice! I choose to love Him because He first loved me, and you better believe this love is coming from my heart! I don’t love Him and live for Him because I have to, I do so because I want to!
I believe in Jesus’ sacrifice for me! I believe He came from Heaven to Earth and that He died in my place for my sins. I believe He did it all so I didn’t have to do it! I believe Jesus sacrificed Himself and tasted death for me so that I never have to taste (experience) it [Jhn. 8:52]. I believe that He “Who knew no sin” was made to be sin for me so I “might be made the righteousness of God in Him” (2 Co. 5:21). I believe Jesus “was wounded for (my) transgressions, He was bruised for (my) iniquities: the chastisement of (my) peace was upon him; and with his stripes (I am) healed” (Isa. 53:5). He did all this and so much more so we didn’t have to!
This is the kind of sacrificial love we’re to love our wives with, Husbands!
We’re not meant to be babies (spiritually speaking) our entire existence, but we’re supposed to grow up into Him; becoming like Him. If we’ll put God’s Word into practice in every recognizable area in our lives, His Word will cause exponential growth in our inner being, our relationships and marriage, our finances—every. single. part.
Believe me, I know it’s not always easy putting God’s Word into practice, particularly when times are tough. But, they will also become some of the greatest miracles, victories, and times when you grow the most!
Even if your emotions are screaming at you to quit, to give up, to settle for less than God’s best, to turn loose and feel sorry for yourself, to get spiteful or hateful, to finally give them a “piece of your mind,” don’t you do it! Some folks have been so used to giving everyone in their path a piece of their mind that they don’t have anything left! There’s nothing up there anymore! Ha! Like President Trump might say, “Sad. Very sad…”
Everyday, even if your spouse is with you or not, make a quality decision before the Lord as if to say,
“I’m going to be a doer of Your Word today, Heavenly Father. It doesn’t matter how difficult it may get for me because nothing is too difficult for You! (Jer. 32:17, CSB) You are with me and You are in me! And greater is He Who is in me than he who is in the world (1 Jhn. 4:4, KJV). I’m not gonna quit, I’m not gonna give in, and I’m not gonna lose heart! I’m not gonna give up, I’m gonna rise up! I’m gonna WIN, WIN, WIN, WIN! I am MORE than a conqueror because You are for me, and because You love me! And if You are for me, then who can be against me? (Rom. 8:31, 37, KJV)"
See, Family, you can’t keep a person like that down and out! Don’t let your problems get you down, lift up your voice and make a joyful sound! Back in the day, we used to sing a song in the “old school” Spirit-filled churches that went like this,
Hallelujah anyhow
Never never let your troubles get you down
When life’s problems come your way
Hold your head up high and say
“Hallelujah, anyhow!”
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With an attitude like this, our marriages will surely rise up and up and get better and better as we continue to do all we know to do in our marriages.
Love you all,
Jess