Trouble in the Flesh

When I look back over 19 years of marriage, I can basically divide it into two categories: times when we both got along with each other, and times when we didn’t. What was the determining factor?

Was it when we had abundance of finances? Was it when everything around us was going great and things were moving our way? Was it when we were both well rested and feeling super good? Was it when Miah was being a perfect little angel?

No. I assure you that lack of problems around us was not the reason that caused us to get along. I can say that because there were many times when Matt and I got along perfectly well—peaceful and loving between us—while things all around us were not looking so good. Many times, we were able to keep the peace and closeness between us in the midst of having to share one sputtering vehicle, no groceries in the fridge, a leaking roof, an empty bank account, a relentlessly meowing cat, a semi-rebellious child, family forsaking us, and people helping us leaving us high and dry. How we could get along or not, even in the face of challenges, was due to one factor: whether we were walking in the spirit, or in the flesh. It really is that simple.

There is therefore now no [judgment against] those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. (Romans 8:1)

When we both yield to the flesh, things are just plain bad, no matter what is going on. When it’s just Matt walking in the spirit while I yield to the flesh, or vice versa, things are “mid.” But when we both walk according to the spirit, giving our flesh no place, as Nacho Libre would say, it’s reeeally gooood.

The Bible says that all married couples WILL have troubles in the flesh (1 Cor. 7:28).

But how much trouble you have is up to you. Every Christian has flesh to deal with, but not every Christian deals with their flesh. Rather than dying to their flesh, many Christians allow their flesh to run the roost. The more flesh you have, the more the trouble you’ll have. The less flesh, the less trouble. In Galatians 5, Paul spells it out pretty clearly the difference between walking in the spirit and walking in the flesh. As you read, remember he is talking to “brethren”—saved folks. He is talking to Christians, you and me. I’m asking you to take your time as you read it:

For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another… I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh… Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another. (Galatians 5:13, 16, 19-26)

Even though we are saved, we need to take an honest look at that list of the works of the flesh and admit if we are giving them place in our lives and marriages, or not. Maybe you aren’t doing sorcery, but what about contentions? Hopefully you aren’t murdering, but possibly outbursts of wrath? Or, Selfish ambitions?

Flesh is gross and it corrupts and brings death. And marriages which are run by the flesh are corrupted, too. Paul says in Romans 7 that in our flesh (talking about your carnal nature, not your physical body) there is no good thing (Rom. 7:18). When the Bible talks about our flesh, it is talking about our carnal, unsaved nature. It’s the mindset and lifestyle we had before we met Jesus. Now, with Jesus, we have a new way of living and the mind of Christ, but it is in a constant war against the carnal, fleshly nature.

Dear friends, I urge you, as [foreigners] and temporary residents in the world, to abstain from the desires of the sinful flesh, which war against your soul. (1 Peter 2:11, EHV)

So, yes, even Christians have desires of sinful flesh to contend with. My pastor often says this: “You can’t trust your flesh any further than you can throw it.” Let me explain, in case you don’t get it. You can’t throw your flesh anywhere! It’s stuck on you. Therefore, you can’t trust it.

…and those who are in the flesh cannot please God. You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. (Romans 8:8-9, MEV)

You can never trust the fleshly side of your being to do anything right. You can’t trust it to make your decisions or to determine your actions. The carnal (fleshly) nature can never please God.

So, since you and your flesh are stuck like glue, what do you do?

The Bible says that those who are saved—those who are the children of God—walk not after the flesh but after the spirit. And those who walk after the spirit are led by the Spirit of God.

As we go on, I believe it’s important to realize some foundational truths. Each of us, saved or not saved, are a three-part being—spirit, soul, and body. We each ARE a spirit; we each HAVE a soul (a mind, a will, emotions/feelings); and our body is the temple in which we live.

When you became born again, your spirit, which was dead before Salvation, was re-created to be like Jesus; instantly made brand new. Old things passed away, and now, all things are NEW. Brand new. You are no longer the same person on the inside. Your “old man”—your carnal nature prior to Jesus—was crucified with Christ when you made Him your Lord. The Holy Spirit—the Spirit and mind of Jesus—now dwells in your newly recreated spirit, and your born-again spirit—who you are in Christ—can do no wrong (2 Cor. 5:17).

For I delight in the law of God after the inward man. (Romans 7:22, KJV)

But what about the other two parts of your being? When you were born again, did your soul (mind, will, emotions) and your body (the carnal man and its desires) instantly change like your spirit did? Nope. While your countenance may have changed (as a result of the life of God now in your spirit), you still have the same unrenewed mind and body you had before. Your way of thinking before you got saved is still your basic way of thinking after you got saved. And your physical body was still the same physical body.

Herein lies the problem as to why Christians still contend with their flesh: their unrenewed mind. The Bibles tells Christians, which are people with new and recreated spirits, that their minds still need to be transformed, even though their spirits have already been made new (Romans 12:2). The way you think determines whether you walk in the flesh or in the spirit.

When you got saved, you were probably told, or should have been told, to now begin reading your Bible. Why were you told that? Because, though your spirit man is now new and alive unto God, your soul (your way of thinking and feeling, your will) still needs to be renewed and changed to match the Word of God.

Therefore lay aside all filthiness and overflow of wickedness, and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls. (James 1:21, NKJV)

The renewal and changing of the soul is an everyday process, as long as we live on the Earth. You’ll never get to a point where you no longer need to renew your mind. The renewing of the mind brings us to unity with the mind of Christ within our recreated inner man (our spirit.) As we renew our mind, we gain control over the nature of the flesh.

You’ll never get to a point where you no longer need to allow God to work in your heart and mind a willingness to choose spirit over flesh (Heb. 10:39; Eph. 5:26; Phil. 2:13). This is why you see Christians everywhere, all around you, who don’t think or act like Jesus. Because they have given into their flesh time and time again, their conscience has been seared. They’ve never gone through the mind-renewal-and-washing process that aligns their mind with their spirit. Christians like this, all they know is the flesh, and their lives show for it.

Now let me make this even clearer for you.

Imagine yourself drawing a straight line right down the middle of your screen. On the left side of the line represents your spirit. The right side represents your flesh. Between the two, where the line is, that represents your soul. Your soul and spirit are so close, the Bible refers to them as joint and marrow (Hebrews 4:12). Your soul, while connected to your heart, is positioned in-between your spirit (the inner man where Jesus’ Spirit lives) and your flesh (the unsaved, carnal nature and mindset).

Which side will your soul choose? Spirit, or flesh? That’s up to you. Your soul-decision to side in with your flesh will cause your flesh to be stronger. But if you are constantly renewing your mind with God’s Word, yielding to the Holy Spirit on the inside of you, your soul will side in with your spirit. This is a constant battle between spirit and flesh for control of your being.

How will you gain control over your flesh and walk in the spirit? How will you get victory over the flesh? By renewing your mind. An unrenewed mind will side-in and give in to its fleshly desires, preferences, and ways every day of the week. For a Christian in this life, in this carnal and un-Christlike world, the state and condition of your mind, will, and emotions (being renewed or un-renewed) is what determines if you will live according to the spirit or according to the flesh. It’s imperative that we recognize that it’s OUR responsibility, every day, to renew our own minds by the washing of water by the Word (Eph. 5:26).

Then, and only then, will our soul be able to side-in with our spirit (the part of our being made to be like Jesus) and force our carnal nature to submit its will, its preferences, and its ways to the Heavenly nature of Christ.

So... have you had some troubles in your marriage, maybe more than you want to admit?

Let’s read it again. Those who marry will have trouble in the flesh… (1 Cor. 7:28)

WHERE is the marriage trouble?? IN THE FLESH. As long as we walk in the flesh, we WILL have trouble. The reason so many marriages are having so much trouble is because there is so much flesh. One or both of them are walking too much in the flesh.

Flesh is selfish, prideful, contentious, impatient. It doesn’t comprehend the love of Jesus. The Spirit of God is the Love of God, and if you are walking in the spirit and being led by the Spirit, you are walking in Love. If you’ve been annoyed at one another, short with one another, frustrated; if one or both of you are doing things you shouldn’t be doing, these are all evidence of operating in the flesh.

Do you want your marriage to be trouble-free? I’m not saying you won’t have any challenges to overcome all around you, but within and between the two of you, can it really be trouble-free? Yes, it can! Choose today to get OUT of the flesh and INTO the spirit. It’s a matter of mindset, and it’s your choice:

For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God… (Romans 8:5-7, NKJV)

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith. (Galatians 6:7-10, NKJV)

Don’t let another day go forward without you taking time to get into the Word of God, to invest in your spiritual life, to become spiritually minded, full of life and peace. When you allow your mind to be transformed, you will see your marriage and your life transformed. These are not fairytale concepts. These are real truths from the Word of God that will produce power in your life to give you full control over your flesh. This is possible for you!

Do not be conformed to this world (this age), [fashioned after and adapted to its external, superficial customs], but be transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind [by its new ideals and its new attitude], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His sight for you]. (Romans 12:2, AMPC)

…for you have stripped off the old (unregenerate) self with its evil practices, And have clothed yourselves with the new [spiritual self], which is [ever in the process of being] renewed and remolded into [fuller and more perfect knowledge upon] knowledge after the image (the likeness) of Him Who created it. (Colossians 3:9-10, AMPC)

As you are a doer of these things, you will see the marriage troubles dwindle down to nothing and your marriage will soar to newer and higher levels in the Lord.

We love you greatly,



Matt and Jess